So. Hmmmm. Well.

We are on a tour organised by a travel agent. Stage one of the tour involves an over night train to Dali from Kunming. I’ve never been on a sleeper train and I was naively very excited.

Turns out it’s a bit like that nuclear bunker in Switzerland that we “slept” in that time.

First points of note. The three high bunk beds – this I can cope with, but because the lowest bunk had a reasonable amount of head room the climb up to the middle and top bunk was a mission.

You’d probably need a harness for the top bunk. Linz and I had been allocated middle bunks opposite each other so at least we could see each other with wide scared eyes during the ordeal that was to follow.

The lack of head room was expected, and I guess that I also expected the beds to be small. Linz looked hilarious, her feet, head and both shoulders touched the sides of the bed. I think the Chinese people where a bit confused at how she managed to fit into the tiny space.

I did not expect the density of people. It was really something. Compartments of 6 people, and probably 12 compartments to a carriage.

Troy warned us that Chinese people snore. And he wasn’t wrong. Snoring people, really loud snoring people surrounded us. One of which was the “annoying nasty man”, who was on the bunk below me.

As we prepared to set off, the temperature began to rise. With so many people packed into a small space, this was bound to happen. But thankfully we had the windows open and we knew that the air would start to flow as soon as we started moving. There was also a tiny fan in the compartment, which I just prayed that it worked.

The fan did not work, but the windows did. Cool fresh air rushed into the cabin. It was a relief.

Suddenly the “annoying nasty man”, decided to close the windows. Boo! Just as I’d almost stopped sweating. Temperatures soared well into the 40s centigrade. Linz and I almost couldn’t cope.

I stripped off as many clothes as possible, whilst still remaining decent. But still I was too hot. I used the cool-ish wall to cool one side of my face and the cool metal rail to cool one leg. It was about as good as it got.

The train proceeded to make it’s way north, and every now and again it would stop, turn it’s engines off and the silence was golden. But then it turns out that our train driver uses the horn like they’re a Chinese taxi driver. There was no need. Not every 10 seconds for 30 minutes.

Then there was a massive thunder storm, which was good, but it didn’t reduce the temperature as I’d expected. It turns out both Linz and I were hoping that the train would be stuck by lightening, and then we’d be able to get off the train into the cool air, or alternatively we’d all die. Neither happened so we just had to bear it.

Throughout the thunder and lightening, the annoying nasty man continued to snore.

The only consolation was that I did kick a woman in the face. I think the woman was the annoying man’s wife. It was an accident, I slipped as I was climbing into the ridiculous bunk. It was only gentle…

Its good to know that we have to repeat the whole experience again in a few days on the return journey to Kunming. I look forward to that day.